For the past 3 months it has felt like there is a continental divide in my family. My parents on one side, my two older brothers and their families on two other sides and then myself. My oldest brother decided to stop talking to all of us. We figured this out around October when I invited them to come see our new place and when my dad called him about 6 times, to wish him a happy birthday and see how he was doing when he never called back. I figured my brother was just being stubborn and he was pissed for some reason and it would come out eventually. Then about a month later I hear that one of my sister in law's made a comment that the youngest nephew is my favorite since I never see or visit their children. I, of course, wasn't around when this comment was made. I, of course, felt so guilty because one of my nephews is also my godchild. I felt hurt that they were upset with me but never said anything to my face. I wrote my brother and laid it all out. I told him that I've felt guilty for so long and that I want to be a good aunt but that they got to help me out too. I told him I would be happy to babysit and watch them on weekends when they normally might go out to Marana. I invited them over to see the house too. My brother told me that they would bring the kids over on a weekend that my SIL works. I thought "Great, I'll get to see them soon." Yeah right. I've spoken to my mom a few times since and she's there with the kids but yet I was never asked or told that they might be on the way to my place. I've asked to be invited to their games and so on. I haven't heard anything.
I also got a lecture from this brother with the two kids about how my parents are depressed and that I need to make more of an effort to be with them. He is giving me a lecture about having to be with them? I was the baby and the only girl. I saw my parents get hurt by them and I was there when no one else was. I was my mom's best friend for 18 years of my life. God forbid that my life brings about changes that no one can foresee. I didn't know that I would be moving to the far east side of town working retail schedules that make it impossible to have weekends off unless you schedule them 2-4 weeks in advance. So for about 3 years I was a bit distant. I still called them regularly but I was out of the loop for a while. During this time my parents were and are building a house out on their property. So my brother being the handyman he is, goes out there every weekend to help my dad with this house. Now he has become the closer one to them and is now entitled to tell me that I need to spend more time with them. Since moving back to the west side it has helped tremendously and I am happier that I get to see them more often.
So during all this time none of us have heard a peep from my oldest brother or his family. Until this past Thursday. My brother brought his son out to Marana to see my parents. He said the last time he came out to help my dad out with the house our cousins upset him and he didn't handle it well. My mom finally got the truth out. He had just found out he has diabetes and with my cousins making fun of him and I guess other life issues he became depressed or something happened that made him not want to talk to anyone. He also told my parents that they are going to be grandparents for the 4th time. My SIL is currently 3 months pregnant.
I just feel sad that my brother didn't feel he could tell us. I feel bad that almost 6 months have gone by without seeing any of my nephews. I feel angry and upset that I feel so guilty and yet I'm not the only one involved. I'm angry that I feel like I have to make all the moves and yet I know that isn't true. It upsets me that I have to find out about things through my parents.
All this just makes me thankful for having Zac (and Daisy). Before them, life was just so lonely and when all this family bullshit would go down because no one communicated I was just left there to listen to everyone complain. Now when I get moody, depressed or sad I have Zac that makes me talk to him and then he tries to make me feel better. I also have Daisy that helps me smile every time I look at her goofy face.
Yes. Life could be much worse. I just needed to get it out of my head so I don't stay up tonight thinking about this.
1 comment:
i wish there was a better way to deal with him but usually in those situations leaving them alone and letting them know you are there always, no matter what, is all you can do for them. family matters are the worst and i completely understand what you are going through. but... it's like that old saying, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family and sometimes we wish it could be the other way around!
hope things get better with you guys!
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