heartburn and pink underwear

story 1:

co-worker: "I have heartburn. This is how it started the last time my stomach hurt."

me: Maybe you need to get your gall bladder taken out.

c-w: Is that what happened with you?

me: yeah.

quiet as mouse other co-worker: My sister was complaining of really bad heartburn and she thought she needed to get her gall bladder removed, turns out she was pregnant.

me: are you serious? now it makes sense why i was asked if I was pregnant or if I could be pregnant a million times in the emergency room.

c-w with heartburn: I will tell you what I tell the doctor every time he asks me if I could be pregnant...Don't you have to do something to get pregnant?

so in conclusion, my co-worker isn't having sex.

story 2:

me: I like your pink jersey, and your pink shoes and your pink watch and your pink socks. Are you wearing pink underwear too?

(right after I said this I went to grab my co-workers wrist to take a closer look at her watch and my co-worker jumps and smacks my hand away)

me: I wasn't checking your underwear I wanted to see your watch. geez!!!!


in conclusion, i shouldn't say anything about wearing pink underwear and then make a motion towards that persons waist.